A pool of discontent

This has been a really hot summer, the type of summer that reminds people of their past with fondness.

"Remember when we were (insert year or age) and it was so hot that... (insert personal recollection)?"

It's surprising, then, that more people didn't use the pool to cool off. In the morning the pool was busy with a dozen or so lap swimmers in addition to Ms. Cruela deVile and her aqua fitness ladies twice per week, while the afternoon hours were used sparsely by condo-villers mainly to stand around, gossip and dunk intermittantly. However, problems arose when some of the morning lap swimmers made it known that they required the entire length of the pool to extend their lap swimming into the afternoon. Not surprisingly, this did not go over well with the leisure dunk-and-dippers who expressed the opinion that they had the right to do nothing if they so desired and stand motionless anywhere in the pool they damn well feel like it.

"We need lanes!" one of the lap swimmers pleaded her case. "Why can't people just stand on the side until we finish?"

"Did you do your laps this morning?" I questioned, to which she responded affirmatively. "You can't regulate where people can stand in the pool! Why don't you do laps on the side of the pool?"
A look of horror crossed her face.

"We need room to do strokes!" she went on, "and not run into people standing around!"

"Exactly!" I responded. "Just move to the side and everyone will be happy."

Another issue this summer for some people were splashers, the ordinary folk who splash when they kick while swimming, or diving in the pool or children having fun.

"Why do they have to splash everywehre?" one of the anti-splashers asked to which I answered: "why are you in a pool, then? You can't get wetter-than-wet!"

A condo-viller made a request, would you believe, to have the diving board removed so that she would have more room to do laps. It's true!

"They can dive off the side," she concluded.

The pool will be closed this weekend, which will end the bickering - for this year. Heaven knows what they'll come up with next summer.